There's Always Someone Better

Here's something you probably already know: the correlation between sobriety and Guitar Hero skill is very closely linked. The game is, after all, largely based on rhythm, timing, dexterity and coordination - all things that suffer when alcohol is introduced. Unfortunately, confidence shares an inverse relationship with sobriety so with no one in sight to take my crown (there was no crown), I decided to try "Sweet Child 'O Mine" on Expert.

I'm pretty familiar with "Sweet Child 'O Mine" and it is one of the few songs I'll play for fun on Expert, but the problem is that it opens with a guitar only. You're on your own up there for a good portion of the opening. Normally, the music is loud and flubbed notes can get missed in the cacophony, but what's even louder is the silence after you miss a long note on a song like this. I finished the song but my playing was beginning to suffer. I was glad I had not challenged anyone to a Pro Face-Off.

The night wore on and the drinking continued. Still the regulars were nowhere to be seen. It was getting late and this was a Wednesday so we thought it'd be best to play one last song and head home. Mike and I headed up and did a better-than-average job on "Who Was in My Room Last Night," then took our bow. We decided to go out on a high note and were on our way to the door. That's when it happened.

A guy who had not played yet approached me and said, "Hey, man. I don't have anyone to play with and I'm next. Will you go up with me?" I said, "Sure," but something was amiss.

We were headed up to the stage when he said, "Can we do Pro Face-Off on Expert?" I replied, "Uhh...sure," and I knew the ambush was at hand. Pro Face-Off pits the two players against each other playing the same set of notes. As you're playing a needle between the two players points to the one who is winning. I knew I was in trouble, but it was already too late. This guy had been watching everyone play to see who was good and singled me out. My comeuppance was imminent.

We got on stage and the first thing the guy did was grab a stool from the bar and sit down. All night everyone else played while standing, but this guy needed to sit. There's a slight but noticeable difference between playing while sitting and playing while standing. Usually, when someone sits it means they are about to bring the thunder. We call it "the B.B. King" because the King likes to sit while he plays Lucille. I looked at my adversary and said, "Oh what, now you're going to B.B. King me?" The guy just smiled and said, "What song do you want to run?" I think we both knew the battle was over before it began but since it was his turn I said, "Whichever you want, B.B."

He scrolled down to the unlocked songs and we settled on "Arterial Black" by Drist. I've played it quite a bit but it didn't matter. The guy had serious skills and he put a complete beat down on me. Within seconds he had buried the needle his way and I never moved it. I felt like the biggest, baddest guy in the prison yard who just got knocked on his ass by the new fish. It was the perfect way to end the night and we walked out laughing hysterically at how badly I was owned. The beautiful thing was that no one even knew we were competing and no one cared who won. Well no one except me, Mike, our video producer Ben and, of course, B.B. King.

Guitar Hero is a fantastic game for parties, get-togethers or in a bar with random strangers. It unites people in a common experience: that of standing in front of your stereo as a kid and playing air guitar. You know you're not really playing guitar but it doesn't matter. As more games move into online multiplayer, it's refreshing to see a game that can still get people together in meatspace.

I expect more bars to start hosting Guitar Hero nights and as Rock Band permeates the social consciousness, you can bet it'll be available as well. Just remember that there's always someone better out there and beware of the guys who sit.

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